Chaos everywhere, but I`m fine, thanks!

My life was a mess... I was feeling confused and alone. Chaos was everywhere and I was looking for my place, and I haven`t found it...until now.
I just realized, if I start organize my stuff, putting everything in its place, and cleaning, throwing in the bin everything I don`t need, then I feel better. Yeah, really, I feel much better. Just cleaning my life. It`s a bit hard because I have a lot of bad memories, and now they just come up, and believe, they hurt.
But that`s why I`m cleaning, right? Because I don`t want the bad things in my life.
Cleaning is really hard, when your life was a chaos, like a second world war, and you need to clean the mess after the war.

I had soooo much things to do, and that`s why it started to be a mess, because I couldn`t handle them.
Now I started again, but slower. looking for a new home, doing the language school business we have, and thinking about having a baby, and preparing for it.
Believe me it`s a big big headache.
Obviously I have my husband to help, he is always here to help, but I`m not that kinda person who always asks for help. I prefer to do it myself, alone, without any help. Maybe I`m stubborn, but that`s who I am.
Now I can say I`m doing pretty good. I`m patient now.
Having a family is a big responsibility, and sometimes headache, even if you don`t have a child yet. But I can say, every time, I do something for them, I can only say: it`s all worth it.
I don`t know what would I do without him. Being alone is not option for me anymore. Being with him is the only option.